‼️ How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie‼️

 29/∞

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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This book is will be a great benefit to  those who wish to improve their relationships, careers, to become better teachers or parents. It helps you to become wiser on human level.

I just cannot go any further without a short intro. This book belongs to self-help classics. Similarly as to “How to get rich” by Napoleon Hill, this book was firstly published in 1936. As the matter of fact Napoleon Hill and Dale Carnegie knew each other and Napoleon Hill was a great admirer of Dale Carnegie.

We all have heroes to look up to and it was not different back then. People today might analyse biographies of Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos (I certainly do, haha), but it was no different in 1930’. Dale Carnegie was analysing successful people such as Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Alva Edison, Abraham Lincoln and General Robert E. Lee . The modern reader like me might say: “They are already dead, their bodies rotted away ages ago, what lessons could those dead wankers possibly teach us?!” I would only point out that people come and go, the principles stay the same.

It is pleasant to know that also our great grandparents had heroes to look up to. I think people were always eager to improve themselves… It is the human nature.

I’m also silently celebrating the fact that you could have attend self-development courses in 1930’. Alright, you had to had live in New York, but still not bad.

I think that everybody who seeks, shall find no matter what. 

I’m going to outline the lessons of this book in my own personal perspective. I’m going to speak about my childhood and what I think did work and what did not.

I’m also going to warn you. Principles I’m going to talk about have nothing in common with being overly nice. Being nice and being assertive in getting what you want are two different things.

Do not criticise people

Let’s start with me. Let’s say you are born. You are the middle of fucking universe. The Earth literally revolves around you. You grow up and then you are going to move in some foreign not so exotic country, let’s say the UK. You go down there and people call you a scum Eastern European immigrant wherever you go. Before coming to the UK your intentions were pure. You wanted to get to Uni, find some part-time job, have a GF and be happy. My question is, are you going to love you “adoptive” country? No, you won’t! Every new remark makes you to want to nuke the fucking country to the ground. Why? Because other entitled (mainly) white people are judging you and criticising you based on where you came from. Honestly, Americans, Canadians, even Germans are ahead of the UK in the way of how to treat immigrants.

If you want to create the environment of love and acceptance then do not criticise other people. This has something to do with the other principle, let the people save the face.

Let the people to save their face

By insulting and hurting other people you might gain short-term results, but you are going to lose in the long run. Those hurt people are going to get upset and they will want revenge. To be honest I still want revenge for a mistreatment on certain Czech University which has been done on me by a communist teacher! Has teacher won? She did not. Her achievement was that:

1. I resent Czech Universities
2. I do not trust Czech teachers or universities as I consider them all to be convinced communists who wish to do only harm to others students similar to victims in Soviet GULAGs.
3. I hate legal profession because of her

Would a good teacher want something like this? I do not think so. As the matter of fact I do not think that such person should be “A teacher” at all…

But let me say something beautiful. Even if you come in your life across some people who won’t let you save your face, who will humiliate you just because they can, it is your responsibility to let go. Literally to go over them. Karma is a bitch. I’m sure my evil lady from my Czech university eventually falls down because of her arrogance. But if you help to save faces of other people in your life, it will help you to create more friends than enemies…

Give people what they want

Those things might pettit little things, but they count more than you think. In the book were a few examples with children. You might get deserved results in behaviour of you children by getting them what they want. Chris Voss called it the “Black Swan.” By what he meant to find something what drives the other person. I was surprised by example of little girl who wanted to be treated as a mother and make breakfast for her parents. Of course you might also find a use for this principle in commerce and I will leave it to your imagination right there.

Give sincere attention and listen to others

First of all, I guess we all live busy lives… I think we run on autopilot for about 95% of the fucking time. If you live in London, you have less time than in Prague or Berlin. Because you have bills to pay. All I’m trying to say is that as we get older and we have more responsibilities it gets harder to “really” listen to somebody. We develop behavioural patterns… Those patterns worked on 101% for the first time. We can repeat them for a couple of times, but they are becoming less and less sincere. If we are not present, we are not ourselves. We also cannot allow others to become really present in our company.

My advice? Eat, sleep, meditate. Feel good about yourself. Be preset and open to new things as much as possible. Sincere ability to listen other people’s problems will make you a loads of friends. But as with everything, set boundaries and do not let your kindness to overwhelm you.

Lead by example

This one is difficult for me. I came from the family where people said something but they never meant to do it. E.g. my parents are both heavy smokers. My mother “always” wanted to stop, but she never did because of her weak will or unhappiness (I seriously do not know). If you want others to do something by commanding them, you might never achieve what you want. I’m personally convinced that leading by example you are going to achieve better results. 

When you lead, do not forget to explain WHY it is important. The “WHY” is one of the biggest human drivers…

Do not boast about your success in front of other person

Once I had a good week and I slept with three girls in the row. I was really proud of myself. I boasted in front of other boys. But then they did not want to hang out with me anymore. I was wondering why… Well… If you boast about yourself in front of others, it might leave others feel small and unappreciated. Those people are going to think they are failures… They are not going to like you… I do not like such people. 😃 So, what if you simply shut the fuck up and listen more to others.

Make other people feel exceptional in your presence

By doing so, you are going to win mor hearts than you think.

Say something nice to other person

It could be a smile, clothes, accent, literally anything… You won’t go wrong by making compliments.

That’s about it…

Conclusion:

This book was for me the step between unconscious to conscious. It is like… Something makes you feel good but you even do not know why. But honestly unless you are an autistic person (or a lawyers, sorry, I could not leave that out 😆) this book won’t be much of help to you. I mean, I feel like deep down inside of me I know all of those principles in my heart, the book just reminded me of them and brought them again to surface.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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Feel free to like, share and comment or recommend books/courses you find inspirational yourself. I’m keen to hear about them.

Coming Up Next: 

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant

Peace 🧘‍♂️✌️🌱